Shanda's Learnings

The Sixth Internet Commandment

2006-01-01T14:14:00.000-08:00

Thou shalt not ban...me.

Nuff said.

Almost Like the Death of Reason

2005-12-28T08:30:00.000-08:00

Almost like a death in the family
Written by Donh
Commentary by ShandaLear

I've thought long and hard about how to respond to Susan's fall into darkness.

I prefer to think about it as my ascent into the light.

She says she can "blow people out of the water" but then she is in the same boat. A number of people, including myself, could blow her out of the water.

That's what you think, but you are wrong. You could never blow me out of the water even though I must admit you are capable of blowing big time.

But do we want to?

Who is we?

What purpose would it serve?

Revenge is best served cold.

More to the point, how does anybody come to the point in their life where the interent, and especially a forum, is the center of their life and building the post count is the most important thing in their life?

Don't ask me because I have no idea what you're talking about.

I have to reflect on the people I have known that have taken other areas to that extreme. I've known Dungeons & Dragons players who go over the edge that way too. Their whole life revolves around the game. In some cliches their life is defined by the game. If their game character is powerful, they are powerful.This obsession will take on the darkness of refusing to allow normal interactions with people. Their self-worth is seen in their fantasy world.

I've seen this happen to people who write long-winded obsessive posts in forum after forum about a person who refuses to interact with them privately.

On the other hand, why do people cling to people who have proven their lack of trust?We saw that with Les. I was wondering why so many clung to him in spite of his abuse, threats, etc etc. I called it similar to battered spouse syndrome. I recognized this in myself tho, with Susan. I kept trying to find someway to get her to be "nice" thinking at first that it was what I was doing.

Your first thought was the correct thought. It's a pity you let your ego and pride take over and pissed the friendship away.

So I took the religious war to CR.

The religious war is the one that rages in the hollow space between your ears.

When she opened FR in response it started to dawn on me that she LIKED the fighting at her site because it ensured a large number of posts.

LOL! FR opening had nothing to do with you and the religious war you waged in your mind.

She lost her sense of power when the posts dropped off.

The power I wield is not based on post count. It's based on my title as the Most Powerful Woman on the Internet. It's proven here in your diatribe as even YOU can't resist me.

This was discussed at length when she complained that nobody was posting and we all told her it was just a lull but that wasn't good enough. Popularity, measured by post count, is what she craved.

And here I thought I was craving a ham sandwich.

Interestingly enough, everything she had declared she "hated" about Cindy, she was now doing.

Are you saying Cindy opened a forum and complained about post count due to feelings of powerlessness? YOU GO GIRL!

Especially the email circle and gossip.As came out, Kim read her private email at one point and she then warned me there were sheep in wolves clothing around.

Ever read the story of Peter and the Wolf?

No specifics, just a general warning. Apparently a number of those emails were about me and were not nice at all.

A little gossip, a little chat. A little idle talk of this and that.

Of course I already knew that most of the people there hated me, but then I look at who they are and feel honored they don't like me.

I feel honored that they don't like you, too.

If they did like me, I would be worried.

Same here, I'd be worried if they liked you as well.

Anyway, I tried over and over to show 2 people the problem I was seeing and neither would see it. That being Diane and Susan.

Diane the Catholic and Susan the almost-Catholic would not see things Don the fundamentalist's way. OH THE HUMANITY!

Both just flat out rejected everything I had to say and tried to put it on me. "Temper tantrum" was Diane's words.

And what a tempter tantrum it was.

Well, no. The problem that I saw rolling along was how they (people at FG but primarily Susan) were ignoring what some people were doing but blasting others for doing similar things.

Guilty as charged. What would you like for your last meal?

For instance it was okay for Erika to lie through her teeth but not okay for me to point it out.

The truth often appears as a lie to those who live in the "town of upside down."

Every little supposed mis-step by me was fair game for attack, but not for Susan's circle.

It's refreshing to see you admit you made mistakes.

They had already gone after Ron, who wisely left.

Yes, Ron is quite a wise-guy.

I should have followed his example but I was in the "Les-mode" thinking I could get Susan back on track.

You and LES always were like opposite sides of the same coin.

What amazed me was when Erika was on one of her "hunt me down like a dog" rampages, it was Cindy who called her on it. Cindy and I don't have the best of histories and yet Cindy didn't worry about that, she was more interested in fairness.

ROFLMAO!

Susan used to be that way. She used to balance things out.Now it is like the roles have reversed.Part of my wakeup was the vicious attack on Laurie about her beliefs. I was amazed and stunned. I took on Susan over that one and she actually backed down somewhat. A glimmer of hope.

Watch it glimmer, watch it shimmer...

Now, she takes the side of Opus who is obviously trying to cause rifts, and bans her sister and me for something HE did.

Opus, Opus, Opus

This is obviously a serious problem for her. Or was that even the reason? I won't speculate further but will say I am pretty sure it was about something else entirely.

I love mysteries. this one is particularly enthralling. Why did she do it? Why? Why? Why?

I also thought there was hope when she made me moderator of FR, but she rapidly reversed that decsion. Probably terrified of what would happen if her catholic buddies found out.

You couldn't handle it so you were squashed like a bug by the Most Powerful Woman on the Internet.

Rumor now has it she made Opus a moderator.

Pssssssssttttttt.... it's not a rumor.

So I view the whole situation much like the death of a friend.

I view it like the death of reason.

No, I'm not a victim.

LOL! Oh come on, this entire screed is completely about your newly found victim status.

Susan is the victim. But a willing victim. Like an alchoholic relative you make excuses for, there comes a time to break the tie and stop making excuses.

Got Beer?

No, I am not in the wrong.

Are too.

I am not the bad guy in this.

Are too.

Those that are inabling Susan are. You know who you are.If there needs to be evidence, go look at the reaction to my banning etc. These people claim to be Christians. Think on that if you dare to look at how they reacted.Of course I knew what the reaction would be. Down to the last one of them.

No one is "inabling" me. You take this forum stuff way seriously. Perhaps your own forum where you can be empowered by post count might help. Please consider it.

The saddest thing to see was Susan's problem demand she ban Kim, even for a short time. Her board means more to her than her flesh and blood.

No Don, it's more important to YOU than my own flesh and blood.

Now, I consign not so Friendship Garden to the same heap as the Sofa and move on.

We got ourselves a convoy!

Susan's banning was a good thing because it gave me time to assess the situation fully and realize that it is time to move on. Why stay in a place filled with hatred towards me? There is very little positive there anymore. Still a few twinkling lights but even they are starting to get smothered.

Watch them twinkle, watch them sparkle.

Finally, I know there are those that come here who will take this and run to Susan with it. That shows the gossip mongers you are and the darkness in your hearts. But nothing I've said here has not been said in email or on her board.

Bwa-hahahahahahahaha!

If she ever decides to apologize and mend bridges, she knows where to reach me.I will not argue it here, or anywhere. These are my thoughts whether you like them or not.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

For My Wonderful Friend, Karen

2005-02-24T17:43:00.000-08:00

This One's For You

This one will never sell,
they'll never understand,
I don't even sing it well,
I try, but I just can't.
But I sing it every night,
and I fight to keep it in,
'Cause This One's For You,
This One's For You.

I've done a hundred songs,
from fantasies to lies,
But this one's so real for me
that I'm the one who cries.
But I sing it every night,
and I fight to hide the tears,
Cause This One's For You,
This One's For You.

This One's For You wherever you are,
to say that nothings been the same
since we've been apart.
This one's for all the love we once knew
Like This One's For You, oh.
This One's to say that all I can do
is hope that you will hear me sing
cause This One's For You oh

This One's For You wherever I go,
to say that nothings been the same
since we've been apart.
This one's for all the love we once knew
Like everything else I have,
This One's For You oh

I've got it all,
it seems, for all it means to me,
But I sing of things I miss
and things that used to be.
And I wonder everynight
if you might just miss me too,
And I sing for you I sing for you.

Bait Me Baby, One More Time

2005-02-07T17:31:00.000-08:00

Forum wars are fascinating. It has always intrigued me how people (including myself) can get so wrapped up in their anger and need to depose a forum enemy or an enemy forum. Here's a great example from Linda's Lounge/The Sofa:

http://p080.ezboard.com/flindaslounge84044frm1.showMessage?topicID=9014.topic

As always my brilliant repartee is in italics.

Marianne57Registered
Hey klan-boy
You playing games with Susan again?

Hey 40Kyle40, you impersonating klanboy again?

rhys7Zin Master(2/7/05 7:24 pm)
Games? It's a fricken carnival lately. However, it's no one's fault and bla bla bla. Bunch of 4th graders.

Nope, no one to blame not a single person at either site is doing anything to keep it going.

RabidKoala Testy Marsupial
Re: Hey klan-boy
Thanks, schoolmarm. I love it when you police recess.

Hey, every group of fourth graders need a school marm to keep them in-line.

rhys7Zin Master
Re: Hey klan-boy
You sure get your feelers hurt easily, RK. You ought to work on that.

He's only in fourth grade, he has plenty of time to work on it with your trusty guidance.

165CindyDesignated Driver
Re: Hey klan-boy
Please don't insult the fourth graders of the world!Before you people lump everyone together, maybe you oughta take a good hard look at who is always at the center of the tempest in the teapot. Some people crave attention, any kind of attention, good or bad....

And some people eat Big Macs for every meal, does this woman have a point?

drkoolbreeze Lounge DJ
Did you hear?
You know there is an internet commandment, RK, that says "Thou shalt not blog..." and the schoolmarms of the Internet are the Internet god's emissaries...their oracles as it were...to enforce the commandment and punish all Internet sin." I bloggeth therefore I am." Kool

Kool is getting very close to being accused of minionism.

karengmanAdministrator
Re: Did you hear?
Sorry, Kool. But your post makes no sense to me.

No comment, LOL!

The Fifth Internet Commandment

2005-02-05T08:09:00.000-08:00

Honor your Admins and Moderators, so that you may last long at the forum(s), the Admin your host, has created for you.

The Fourth Internet Commandment

2005-01-31T19:39:00.000-08:00

Remember the Forum Admin's birthday day by keeping it in your Outlook calendar. All year you praise her and do her bidding, but the on her birthday, you shall post many posts honoring her as the best Forum Admin on the Internet. You shall take the day off just to be there if she might need you. You shall take your kids to the babysitter to avoid interruptions. Forget cleaning the toilets and mopping the kitchen floor, instead think of only of ways to kiss your Forum Admin's rump. For 365 days a year, your Forum Admin serves you. On this day, her birthday, you shall honor her even more than usual.

The Third Internet Commandment

2005-01-30T07:33:00.000-08:00

Commandment 3:

You shall not misuse the name of the Forum Admin your host, for the Forum Admin will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses her name.

You shall not speak ill of "my" favorite forum admin at another forum nor shall you speak ill of that Forum Admin at any forum at all. You shall at all times observe proper decorum and respect for the Forum Admin (as defined by me) in all things lest you find yourself on the receiving end of unceasing finger-wagging and angry emails. Remember, the monitors have eyes.

The Ten Commandments of Internet Forums (con't)

2005-01-29T09:11:00.000-08:00

Commandment Two:

You shall not make for yourself a forum that takes members away from my forum. You shall not decorate your forum with any graphics that are nicer than the ones I create for my forum. You shall not give compliments to other forums for their appearance; for I, your forum admin, am a jealous admin and I will punish you and your forum members with multiple bannings for at least 3 days at a time. For those who consistently compliment the work I do, there will be plenty personal praise and arse kissing.

The Ten Commandments of Internet Forums

2005-01-28T08:36:00.001-08:00

Commandment One:

You shall have no other forums before mine.

In other words, you better be 100% loyal to my forum above and beyond any other forum where you are a member. If any disloyalty is suspected, you will be painted with a giant scarlet "T" for traitor. As far as post count goes, the posts you create at other forums had better never exceed the posts you create at my forum and this applies to your responses too. I will be watching and counting.

In Memory of Aria

2005-01-25T19:29:00.000-08:00

Broken bodies lead to healed hearts.

The Viability of 2D Christian Communities in a 3D World

2005-01-23T08:17:00.000-08:00

"What does the word 'love' mean? Love has been described as the greatest need humans have. From the cradle to the grave, people strive after love, thrive in its warmth, even pine away and die for lack of it. Nevertheless, it is surprisingly difficult to define. Of course, people talk a lot about love. There are an endless stream of books, songs and poems about it. The results do not always clarify the meaning of love. If anything, the word is so over-used that its true meaning seems ever more elusive. Therefore, love can only be known by the actions it prompts."

Vine's Expository Dictionary discussion on Love

For the last 10 years or so, I've participated in a number of Internet forums. It started with The Dr. Laura forum and evolved into various other iterations over those years. At each and every forum I've been a member of and at the ones I've hosted myself, there have been a variety of beliefs represented, but the core group has always been comprised of those calling themselves Christian.

My husband is a wise man. He told me from the beginning that posting on forums was nothing more than sitting in a room by myself talking to no one else but myself. My mother said it in a more humorous way, "everyone on the Internet is a brain surgeon."

When I first started posting at Internet forums, I was excited about interacting with people who shared me beliefs. I was also excited about debating my beliefs with those I disagreed with. I saw it as both an opportunity for personal growth and a way to exercise my brain. My goal was to have people understand me and to gain some understanding for ideas I disagreed with. As time went on, these forums became more to me than that. They became my refuge and my chief source of companionship, eventually that became unhealthy as I traded what I should have been seeking out in 3D for an incomplete 2D experience.

As for the aspect of forums being a Christian community in the same way a church or a group of friends can be a Christian community, I have given this a great deal of thought. Interacting at forums is a double-edged sword. The interaction between participants can provide insight, encouragement, information, education, among other good things. But can a person truly represent the Christian life there? My answer is an unqualified "no."

What the forums are lacking is the physical interaction of one person with another. You can't see a person on a forum. You can't touch them. You can't hear their voice. You can't eat a meal with them. You don't know if they've applied a bit too much perfume. In other words, you are denied the third dimension of the full exercise of your senses. And how can you judge the honesty of the interaction you're having with a person when you aren't in their presence? A person who loses control and writes nasty things to someone at a forum can be judged on the merits of their writings. Anyone can write nice things to someone else at a forum, but what does that tell you about their character? Remember what my mother said.

I have many on-line friends whom I love and trust. I've also had many on-line friends whom I've loved and trusted at my own peril. I have also been a perilous person for others who have loved and put their trust in me. But what does that really tell us about each other? The proof is in the pudding. It is in what we do in our 3D lives. It is when someone needs encouragement and we give them a call, pay them a visit, or send them a special book. It is when someone is sick and we send them flowers or make them a custom quilt. It is when someone needs a few dollars in their pocket or maybe a couple boxes of software to help them get a job they need to land. It's when we throw an expectant mother a baby shower or exchange Christmas ornaments. All these events occur in 3D and all these things have been done by members of forums I have been a part of.

It is in these things that I understand the character of the people I interact with on-line and not the exchange of loving and sometimes ugly words or the all to often self-agrandizing pontificating we have all written about ourselves online. It is in what I do and what we do as in the third dimension that defines us as a Christian community. The rest is just you sitting in room by yourself talking to no one but yourself.

The proof is in the pudding. It surely is.

Imposing God's Will for Your Life on to Those Around You

2005-01-22T08:31:00.000-08:00

When the fruit of the spirit which is love, peace, joy, and long-suffering gives way to anger, resentment, harsh words, and accusations it serves to do one thing and that is to block the evidence that God is at work in our lives.

With that in mind, how do we find a place of balance where we can share the wonderful things we are learning without insisting that those who are in a different place in their lives must embrace our learning with equal vigor. How do we know when we have crossed the line and gone from sharing ourselves in a meaningful way to becoming bullies and abusers of those around us? Failing to understand the work God is doing in another person's life is equally as bad as imposing the work God is doing in our lives on others.

As Christians, there is common ground for all. Finding that common ground creates a common bond between us. Learning and sharing the things God is speaking to our hearts and minds is exciting. It's akin to God giving us a blank canvas to paint on. In the beginning our paintings may be crude but to us and to God, they are a thing of beauty, a Monet. Sharing our paintings with others can be rewarding but also disappointing. Especially when someone views our paintings as not quite being the works of art we envision and are certain God sees. At that moment our joyful exuberance can be crushed and it is easy to let our hurt fester and become anger. This is what all must work to avoid and with practice we will learn that beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder and to God our paintings are priceless. They also get better over time.

We should embrace every gift God has for us but understand they are for us only. God knows our shape and size and it is as individual as the number of hairs on our head. Take care not to let the disagreement of others tarnish God's gifts to you. Be loving enough to understand the value of the gifts God gives others, avoid being the swine to their pearls and in all things, strive to put love first and ego last.